If you have been in the world of self development for more than a minute you have probably heard someone in your circle utter the phrase “you have to become her (that person) now”. And, if you’re anything like I was when I first heard this, my first thought was…”that’s easy for you to say”! Am I going to magically become “not shy”? Where the hell am I going to find the confidence, the money, or the voice to become that person that you’re telling me to become? I can’t speak in front of one person let alone a few hundred! I’m not elegant, well spoken, charming or rich…and the list went on and on and on!
To make matters worse I had non stop 24/7 mind chatter (head junk) telling me to be happy with what I had. I had “enough”. Be grateful for everything I had done. It was “enough”. “You have worked so hard! It’s good enough”. Take it easy, go do some yoga and maybe a little surfing and, on occasion, head to the mountains for a hike or snowboarding. You know, when you have the money and the time to actually take a vacation. The inner hippie had been working her ass off for 30 years and she had accomplished a lot, acquired a lot and she wouldn’t shut up because life was “good enough”. Sound familiar?
This my friends is called complacency!
Merriam Webster defines complacency as:
Self satisfaction especially when accompanied by unawareness of actual dangers or deficiencies.
So you may be asking, what is the danger in chilling out and accepting life as it is?
Everything! Absolutely everything in that statement is dangerous! If you are taking the time to read this article you already know that you were meant for more. You may not know what that is or why but you know that it is. This is where you have to trust that you were led to read this article for a reason and the only work to be done is to be open to the process of discovering why.
Let’s look at this new-agy concept of becoming the “future you” and why this is gaining so much attention in the world of self development today.
Dan Gilbert of Harvard (yes, Harvard) studied this idea and his conclusion was that, people are far better at remembering the past than they are at predicting the future. Bottom line, it’s easier. We know the past and we can clearly acknowledge the changes we have gone through to become the person we are today. But, as we age, our willingness to continue to change and evolve diminishes. Think about it, when we were kids we couldn’t wait to be teenagers and, as teenagers we couldn’t wait to be grown ups! Remember the curiosity and excitement of evolving? What happened to that? Where is the fun in evolving to, well…old?
The Big 5 Factors of Personality states that, as people age they become more accustomed to routine and less open to seeking novelty and change. We become less willing to do step out of our comfort zones even if the payoff could mean a much more exciting and fulfilling life. Stepping into the higher version of who we were meant to be is not comfortable. But, as we know, change is never comfortable but it is inevitable.
So why is this term thrown around so randomly in these circles today? It’s actually quite simple, if you want to do big things in the world you have to step into the new “upgraded” version of you. It doesn’t matter what you have already accomplished, those things were merely stepping stones that led you to where you are today and, if your still here, there is more to create. It’s the way the human brain is wired. We are the creators of our life.
How do you go about stepping into this new you? For me, the key was embracing both sides of who I was all along. Peeling back the layers of who I never was; the opinions, the negative self talk, the blame, shame guilt and complacency and I embraced all the aspects of me. I embraced my hippie yoga, surfer, hiking side and I wrapped my arms around the overachiever, “I got this” career woman. I let go of the shy girl who tried to blend into the background and I opened my mind, heart and soul to new experiences and growth. I embraced both sides of me and I let my unique gifts, talents, wisdom and beauty shine through for the first time in many years. And, for the first time in many years I felt a peace that I did not previously kow.
So what is the danger? The danger is in never knowing that peace. The danger is in never living into the best version of you. The danger is in showing your loved ones that you were willing to settle for “good enough”. The danger is a life not lived to the fullest.
Dan Sullivan, founder of Strategic Coach, said “Personal confidence comes from making progress towards goals that are far bigger than your present capabilities”.
The question then becomes, are YOU ready to stop dreaming about a different future and become that person who is creating that future NOW? Are you willing to step into goals that are bigger than you are presently capable of?
How does one start living into that beautiful unknown future? You start by creating it…
The first step is to assess where you are right now. What in your life are you tolerating? Are you tolerating a job or career that isn’t feeding your soul? Are you tolerating an empty bank account or maybe even an empty fridge? Are you tolerating a messy home, a messy mind or a relationship that you have outgrown? Where are you right now in all areas of your life?
Step two is to get crystal clear on exactly what you want your life to look like. When was the last time you let yourself dream about what YOU really want? Not what would be “nice to have” but what you REALLY want? In today’s world, maybe more than anytime in history, we see average everyday people (often people we know), living exciting, adventurous and abundant lives.
When you see these people posting their beautiful homes, healthy bodies or amazing adventures on social media, what are your thoughts? Are you envious wishing your life or body looked like that? Do you think “of course (she) can do that” or “that’s great for her” attitude “but I could never do/have that life”. Does the thought cross your mind that “I’m too old” or “I’m too out of shape”? What emotions do you feel when you see people living the kind of life you would like to live?
Then ask yourself “have I become complacent”? This may sound harsh but complacency is a copout. Complacency keeps us trapped in our past and in our comfort zone. Complacency doesn’t allow for growth or expansion. It doesn’t leave room to step into that future version of yourself as the amazing, abundant, vivacious being with a kick-ass body, a kick-ass life and kick-ass experiences. Complacency is an excuse to never have to reach for the stars let alone your true potential because reaching and stretching feels pointless.
Bridge the gap! The third step is to write the story of your future in the present tense as if you are living it right now. Don’t concern yourself with how you are going to make it happen or even why. Just trust that what you are writing is coming from the deepest part of your soul “the divine goddess within you” and, maybe for the first time in your life, let her speak through your pen. Trust in the process and let it all out…every last word.
My challenge to you is, if you are taking the time to read this, grant yourself permission right now (today) to start dreaming of the life you truly want. Start thinking of the impact you want to have on your future, your family and maybe even the world. Take the time to do this exercise and be in the mindset of a young child discovering who she wants to be when she grows up and, when you see others who have what you want, don’t allow your thoughts to go to the “yeah but…” thinking. Instead, ask yourself, what is it about that person’s experience that I maybe want to have myself. Be in the discovery process. Be curious, not envious because this is your soul speaking to you.
Finally, read what you have written out loud. Record it on your phone and listen to it in your own voice. Rember, this isn’t a one and done process; this new you, just like the you that you are right now, is going to evolve and change with time and experiences. You must create the picture of who you want to become in your mind and connect that picture with the energy, emotions and feelings of experiencing health, abundance and happiness right now.
“when you change the way you look at a things, the things you look at change.”
Dr. Wayne Dyer
When you change the way you look at yourself and what you can create, the person you are looking at will change. Upleveling your life is a work in progress and only you can decide if you are willing to leave this earth with your dreams in your heart and a life that is “good enough” or if your willing to step out of your comfort zone and create the life of your dreams. Remember this, you ARE the creator of your life. You have been the creator of your life to this point either consciously or unconsciously so take the steering wheel of your life right now and create your amazing, unique, beautiful future on your terms.